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Insecure

I notice the way some men look at me sometimes

It's hard to notice, because of the way that I look at me sometimes 

Overanalyzing the outfit I chose to wear in disguise 

Head down - questioning every gaze that passes by

Thoughts roam

Instant assumption that I look ridiculous 

Too much makeup 

Shirt three sizes up

So I look again

But I have to check myself

Because I left myself at home again

I need to check myself

And stand loud and proud 

Of the girl I have become again

Again?

Again.

Because I'm constantly rebuilding

The bits of concretes that disintegrate

Every time I build myself up

Start from scratch 

Slowly evolving

Constant self-loathing

Have to uplift myself 

You see,

No one ever teaches you that self-acceptance is a battle 

It's a rollercoaster and you never know when you will dip again

Because you're distracted by the rush of the high

This is what it feels like to love myself?

Before you embrace it, it's gone again

Deep breathes

You'll find yourself again

And each time you take a dip 

You're just a little less lost

And the lost feeling will never fully go away

Along with all your scars and blemishes

Your true self will never diminish 

Is your road ahead going to be smooth?

Hell no, but you will never lose.

-Warda Yussuf