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Iridescent

Iridescent is what you are 

Your luminous colours make even the stars jealous 
But when we can't see eye to eye 

Your best friend becomes darkness and my eyes are now blind to your spectacular

existence 

Cos see your beauty outshines the brightest of lights and I am able to count every colour

you belong to 

Even when they aren't bright and your ugly comes alive 
I know that I just need to wait for another colour 

But sometimes waiting for another part of you becomes draining and I wonder what am I

here for?

But purity spills from your being and you are a constellation masterpiece before my

eyes 

You have become my art but at times you insist on being painted ugly 
And I know beauty is subjective but the way you upset me is more than objective 

Ask anyone- they'll agree that your sporadic isn't right 

And I'm cool, I'm relaxed 
I'm the type to tell you I'll say it to your face 
You say I'm just moving mad and things don't mean anything 
But your resistance to open has me questioning is this even a real thing?
But I feel your heart is good and see when we're good we're great 
But sometimes trying to get your attention is like jumping for that cookie jar
I jump and jump but can't reach it I just fall to the ground 
Hands empty like the way you sometimes pretend your heart is 
But your pride befriended with your ego just won't give me a boost 
I think it's crazy how you can be so distant yet when you're here- your presence

consumes all and it's like we're one person 
I've told you this love thing- I'm not great at it 

You tell me it's fine you're not either and we'll learn the game together 
But see that's where issues arise because In the end only one winner can rise 

And I know you're the competitive type 

But this heart I have will let you win even if that means I get the dark along with the light 
And to be honest I can't even be too surprised that I feel this might not work out 
Because issues consume my being and leave no space for trust 

I know yours does too and we're left waiting for the other to make a hole first so  we can

then dive in

Both being too scared to go first 
But my heart and mind is one juxtaposition 

Cause the attraction can't stop me but it's the demons that do 
Insecurities cloud my vision and I can't fucking see
But patience needs to be your best friend before you become mine

Cause it's the same old story 

He hurt me, he cheated, he lied, he abused, he fucking misleaded 
And I know his colours aren't a reflection of yours 
So a part of me believes but the other part doesn't 
The aftermath of him is what I'm giving to you current 
To be honest , my mind fucks me up 
And when you tell me it's fine you don't mind if we fuck
Confusion consumes me and that's bad as fuck
Cos your colours flow gently 
You don't force me like he did 
Yeah that shit was really fucked up

Now I don't know if im over thinking this like you love to say i do
But this has started to become difficult and that's the last thing I'm tryna do
But these trust issues even got me mistrusting myself too 
And if I flinch to the movement of your hand 
Just know it's because he raised a hand 
No fuck that he raised a few
And knowing me, believe I did too
I accepted that cos that's what my father did too

Had me thinking if you love someone that's what you're meant to do 

But I slowly realised that that wasn't true 

I'm just making sure the same colours from you don't shine through 
And I hate to admit these likes have me feeling a type of way 
Cause what if you're dm'ing her and asking her about her day 
What if you're feeling her too and it moves to whatsapp 
What if you're showing your boys her picture all in the group chat 
All I really need is someone who's good for my mental 
None of that toxicness : shits detrimental 
But times when we fight 

Your words make me question you then I question this and you question me on why

you're the one I wanna dismiss 

But it's still early days and the hope of change is what's keeping us both here 
Cos what we argue over is smaller than the way we feel for one another 
Reflection of your trust issues maybe but we all have them

But at times I think you enjoy making me worry when you're out late and don't reply to

my messages 

Have me sacrificing my sleep for the hope you're all good and you'll get back to me

again 

Have me contradicting my life of thinking happiness belongs to me and I can't let anyone

control that 

But I've let you control it and it's not something I can help 

But when it comes to you 

Words kiss metaphors like re uniting with an old lover 

And I can promise that no other can love you like I can 

They can try write poetry, songs or rhymes but they'll never make you reach points of

soft you never even knew existed inside of you 

They will be nothing more but the feeling of second hand because once you've tried me 

Nothing will feel as new 

I will leave parts of me rooted in your soul so deep that when anyone see's into your

feelings all they'll see is me 
Because 1 + 1 equals 1 if you allow that math 

My new balance 
Let's actually try to balance 

So we can stand perfectly imperfect together because if you are 

Then I am also ready to dive into you
With my eyes open

-Sandy G